Odds and Evens
by Curlscat
Summary: Sam and Dean, growing up. Moments in their lives.


**AN~ Not my usual sort of thing, and I know I have things to update back in my old category. And, honestly, for my first foray into Supernatural, I could have done better. This isn't fully canon, and I was a bit leery of putting it up in such a big fandom. But it got me writing again, at least a bit, and that's important.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned any part of Supernatural things would have gone very differently. Very differently.**

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><p>Dean is born on a peaceful night, and everything is well, as far as he knows. He cries less than most babies.<p>

Age two, and Dean is still happy, with two parents who love him.

Age four, and Dean's life is suddenly and abruptly filled with a small addition to the family. Dean thinks this is completely unnecessary at first. Sam is tiny and boring and smells funny and his nose is weird. But as time passes, Sam begins to grow on him, and Dean thinks maybe he could get used to having a brother. He has friends, and they tell him he should be jealous of the little bundle in the house, but Dean just can't quite manage it. He just changes the subject with a smile.

Age six, and Dean is getting used to this new normal of life without Mom. They move around a lot, and Dad leaves him in aftercare at whatever school he's attending. He doesn't cry too much, though, because his dad doesn't cry. Sammy is the only one who hears how sad he is. After all, Sammy can't tell anybody.

Age eight, and Dean is allowed to stay home with Sammy without Dad for the first time. He's proud of his upgrade, and he brags about it to his friends. A few days later, they move unexpectedly. Dean doesn't quite understand why, but his dad tells him not to tell anyone that he and Sam stay home alone. Dean doesn't, this time. After all, his friends are three states away again, now. Dean is still proud of how much his dad trusts him, but it's lonely, sitting in the room with nobody but a kid half his age all the time.

Age ten and, for the first time, Dean finds himself frustrated with his father. He wants to stay _put_ for once, to be able to actually unpack his bags and keep some of his friends. He's also starting to notice how much nicer other kids' clothes are than his. One boy teases him for it, and Dean gets into a fight. His father asks why, and Dean explains (_he made fun of my shoes_). Dean gets new shoes, but it isn't enough. The next few fights about the same thing, Dean makes sure they happen outside of school. His father doesn't ask where the bruises come from, and Dean doesn't say.

Age twelve, and Dean begins to notice girls. They notice him right back. Dean's always been a cute kid, and now his face has a kind of definition to it that makes every girl he smiles at fall at his feet. If he wasn't so busy hunting with his father on weekends for the first time in his life, he'd probably pick out his favorite girl. As it is, Dean feels very grown-up.

Age fourteen, and it's the first time Dean has sex. He's never dated a girl before, but this one comes up to him and tells him he's cute, invites him back to her place after school. She's older, and there's no way Dean is turning this down. Especially not someone this hot. Sex isn't exactly what he was expecting, but it's good. When he comes home the next morning, though, his father is furious and Sam looks like he spent the whole night crying. It's the second time Dean has failed his family this badly, and he vows he'll never disappoint either of the two people he cares about again. They leave two days later, and he doesn't see the girl again. They never even kissed.

Age sixteen, and Dean drops out of high school. Sam is disappointed, but their father seems to think it was the right choice. Dean begins hunting full time. Hunting is more important that constantly switching schools and either learning the same thing over and over or being so far behind everyone else that he'll never catch up, anyway. So what if Sam thinks he's given up? It's not like Dean's ever getting out of this life anyway. He doesn't know what he'd do with himself it he did.

Age eighteen and Dean comes closer to death than he's ever come before. He's alive, which is what matters, but he came pretty close to bleeding out in the middle of the woods, so he thinks he'll let Sam flip out at their dad for this one. Even if it's not Dad's fault. Dean messed up, got distracted, tripped. So what if he was by himself when it happened? Not Dad's fault. But he's too shaken to stop Sam from yelling at their father; too busy drawing air in and out of his lungs, appreciating that all of his body still works, still feels pain, to get his idiot brother to calm down and see sense. Sam was scared too, from the looks of things. Dean can cut him some slack.

Age twenty, and Dean feels like he's trying to hold everything together and failing. Sam and Dad fight whenever they're in the same place, and whenever they're not Dean feels torn between them; the man he wants to make proud more than anything, and the brother he'd die to protect. He can handle hunting, and holding down jobs, and crawling across the country time and time again, but he needs Dad _and_ Sam to do it. He's feeling more and more like he's going to have to pick a side.

Age twenty-two and Sam is leaving him. Dean should have known it was going to happen, but it still hurts more than anything. Sam doesn't need Dean the way Dean needs him. Sam, who has spent the past eighteen years straining against the cage of their father's world, is finally breaking free. He's leaving Dean and their old life behind, and because of their father, he's cutting all ties to the family. Dean's going to lose half of his world.

Age twenty-four and Dean is pretending things are fine. He hunts, mostly with his dad, though sometimes they go separate directions. Sometimes they partner up with other people. Not often. Dean's the only one who can stand John for too long, though everyone in the hunting community respects him. Dean misses Sam, who hasn't even called in months. He's afraid it means Sam doesn't want to talk to him. He's afraid to call himself and find out. His life has a pattern, but he doesn't like it. He doesn't know what he wants instead, though.

Age twenty-six and Dad goes off the grid. Dean knows he shouldn't worry, that John Winchester has disappeared for far longer than this with less warning, but this time _he left the car_ and Dean can't help thinking this means something. He tries to fight off the temptation to go for help, but he's already in the car, already on his way to California. He swore he'd let Sam go, let the kid live the life he wants so bad, and achieve everything he's capable of. He has to work to convince himself to be guilty as he drives off, and wonders if maybe he was just waiting for an excuse to go back for Sam.

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><p>Age one, and Sam doesn't know anything is wrong. He has people to love and take care of him, and that's all that matters. He's happy, though he's a loud baby, demanding.<p>

Age three and Sam loves Dean more than anyone. Dean and their dad are the only two people he knows, really. There are others, but they're not important. Not like Dean. Dean teaches Sam to walk and use the toilet, and he reads to him, broken sentences that come out slowly. Sam is still fascinated by it. Their dad isn't around all that much, and he's a big, stern presence. Sam knows he loves him, but his love is so much less _real_ than Dean's.

Age five and Sam begins to realize that his family is not normal. He learns that almost all the other children in his kindergarten have lived in this town their whole lives. They have mothers and fathers. Sam has been introduced to the concept of a mother, vaguely. They appear on TV shows, and Dean has told Sam a little bit about their mom. But he has never known his. His teacher is the first woman he remembers spending any large amount of time with.

Age seven and Sam finally finds out just what their dad is doing with his time. It frustrates him more than he can say that he has to sneak it for himself, has to go behind the backs of the only two people in the world he loves to figure it out, but at least Dean admits it when he calls him on it. Their dad probably wouldn't have. It's terrifying, knowing what's out there. But at least now his life makes _sense_.

Age nine, and Sam's world is the Impala. The towns they stop at; hotels and cheap lease-by-the-month rentals they sleep in are unimportant, unmemorable. Sam tries to make friends, but the faces blur into each other, and there's always a boy named James. The only thing that is constant in his life is the backseat of this car. He mostly has it to himself, now, a bench seat where he can spread his few possessions as much as he pleases without getting in trouble or having to be afraid of losing them. The only two people he can afford to care about are in front of him, just a poke away. Sometimes Dean joins him in the back and they play games. Sometimes he has it to himself and he reads an endless stream of books.

Age eleven and Sam is the shortest kid in his class. He's overweight, besides, probably because Dean spoils him as much as possible. He gets picked on a lot because of it, and he's not sure what to do about it. Being short and round isn't exactly desirable. It's the first time he's ever been grateful for how often they move around. At least he can get away from one set of bullies before a new one finds him.

Age thirteen and Sam talks Dean into getting his GED. Well, he doesn't talk him into it so much as drag his brother to the library while their dad is on a hunt the next town over. Dean isn't with him because it's summer and they're too far away from anyone Dad would dump Sam on, and apparently he's still not old enough to watch himself. Sam emerges half an hour later with a GED prep book and a stack of papers. He hands them all to Dean and ignores his brother's protests about not needing this. A month later, Dean takes his test and passes with a higher score than he thought he'd get. Sam's not surprised. Dean's always been smarter than he gives himself credit for.

Age fifteen and Sam shoots straight up all of a sudden. He's all arms and legs and still not as tall as Dean but he's coming close. He hated being short, but he hates being this tall this fast just as much. He keeps tripping over things, he's garbage at hunting because he has no idea where he ends, and he doesn't fit in the backseat of the Impala anymore. It just seems to fit how much the rest of his life is starting to fit wrong. He's realizing he's different from his father and Dean. This isn't what Sam wants with his life. His teachers tell him he's smart. He wants to see how far he can go, and he knows the backseat of this car doesn't fit him right in every way possible.

Age seventeen and Sam is applying to colleges. He does it in secret, at school, keeping the things stuffed in his locker when he's not working on them. He hopes he'll get them done before they move again, though the odds aren't high. He writes down Pastor Jim's address as his home and should really feel more guilty about where he gets the money for the application fees. But all he can think about is getting _out_. Just for a bit. Away from Dad, away from moving every few weeks (days, in the summer). He can't jump into hunting full-time, not yet. Maybe not ever. And this way, maybe he won't have to.

Age nineteen and college isn't exactly what Sam expected. He's lonely, and he doesn't really fit here. He doesn't have family to go home to on holidays like everyone else does. His grades are better than everyone else's, but it's not because he's brilliant, it's because he's working himself to death and has no life. He feels kind of empty, the lies about who he is making it hard for him to interact with his peers, the lack of family support making his dorm empty, even if he and Dean talk to each other on the phone sometimes.

Age twenty-one and Sam meets a girl named Jessica. She's beautiful, but more importantly she's smart and driven and wants the same things out of life he does, _and_ still knows how to have fun. He forgets about fun sometimes, and she reminds him. She's exactly what he needed. Sam is happier than he's been in a long time, even if he hasn't spoken to his family in months.

Age twenty-three, and Sam is finally beginning to get over Jess's death. Fighting helps. Hunting helps. Dean helps. His life is finally on its way to being put back together, and he's starting to realize he doesn't mind the shape it's fitting into as much as he thought he would.


End file.
